I have had a lot of male acquaintances, probably starting from the age of 12 to now. I don’t say “friends” because once either one of us found a bf/gf, the “friendship” was over. I’ve also never crossed the line with any of my male acquaintances – they were either my friends or they weren’t. Sometimes I liked them, and other times they liked me.
One thing I can say that rings true since I was 12 years old. None of those guys would have stuck around if it wasn’t for an unrequited crush (where they thought maybe they’d have a chance) or once they found a girl who did like them (in the event I was the one who had the crush). I know you are very attached to this guy based on what you’ve written, and you’re taking the approach I tried when I quit smoking (oh, I’ll just cut back). Quit cold turkey if you want a chance at a healthy relationship in the future. Arrangements like this do a lot of damage to your self-esteem. It seems like it’s started to happen already, in my opinion.
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